Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Where We Are: 12 Months

It was your birthday last week! What a super special week it has been. Love you little man.

What we've been up to: This past week we have been so busy with birthday events. I took you to the farm with some little friends. On your birthday, our doula and her daughters came over and spent the day. On Saturday, we had family over for a party, you were given some great toys. Your favourite is definitely the zebra walker/trike/scooter Nana & Grandad bought you. On Sunday, we had one year pics taken and it made me feel very emotional to think you have been alive a whole year. Very emotional indeed! I feel so lucky. You are so great. Then yesterday we went to Leicester for a joint birthday picnic with a little pal of yours who's birthday it was yesterday.

Your teeth are really bothering you & your sleep has been really disturbed the past couple of days, so you are having a well earned nap right now. This morning we took Charlie for a long walk with our friend Emma and a dog she is looking after called Guinness, who is a dog mountain. Hoping for some better sleep tonight little man! You were supposed to have your injections today, but I have rearranged them for a couple of weeks time due to the teeth - your temperature is also running a little high.

My favourite moment of today: Snuggling up with you in bed after you drifted off for your nap peacefully. Those moments really are perfection.

What you are up to at the moment: You are taking a few steps on your own (for about a month now, and getting more confident), and standing for short periods on your own more confidently. At the farm trip you walked between a rabbit hutch and Oliver's pushchair, I was so proud. You also took some steps for the photographer so we have it on camera finally!!!

Tricky moment this week: Your lack of sleep over the past couple of nights (I think Daddy would agree!). Much Calpol utilised. Last night you were unsettled between me coming to bed and about 1:30am. Then woke again at 4, wide awake and unsettled. After 2.5 hours sleep (and about 2 hours sleep total the night before) I couldn't handle it, called daddy in and went to sleep myself in our bed while Daddy lay with you. That was very tricky for me and I imagine for Daddy too. I was struggling to keep my cool when giving you Calpol at about 1:30am as you wouldn't take it and I was so so tired.

Best moment this week: You wanting to play in the garden with Emma's daughters (6 & 12), like a big boy. That was a good one.

What I am looking forward to: Going for lunch with Auntie Helena on Friday and seeing Rachel, James, Albert and Edith on Sunday.

My Inspiration: I am still thinking about my voice. It is hard. I used to not post on facebook for fear of rejection. Now I feel more confident and post more, but sometimes the fear of rejection gets me so hard. Last night I posted about the need for religious tolerance, just a little short post, but I couldn't sleep because I was tormenting myself thinking I shouldn't have posted it and that it's only my narcissistic tendencies that lead me to (thinking that believing I have something to say equals narcissism), & I was overanalysing what I had said. This is such bullshit and I am looking forward to moving past it and glad I am engaging with it. I wish I was less narcissistic and hope it will die away a little as I heal more and get more confident. Painful, challenging times.

I wrote about your conception story - as a comment on somebody's post in the BT group yesterday. It encouraged a couple of people to believe in signs and wonders and that was very inspiring. Reminded me how powerful and capable God is. I forget to believe so often.

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