What we've done today: Today is a Saturday, and it's been very wet and rainy. We took Charlie for a rainy walk first thing. You were in your pushchair, it's so hot and the raincover was steaming up. You were chewing on it from the inside which made Daddy and I laugh. Then we drove Charlie to have his hair cut, and popped to the shops. We bought a new mattress for our bed. It was very funny, I lay down to test the mattress out and Daddy popped you down beside me. Every time we did that, you crawled over to me with a cackle asking for milk. I realised that every time I lie down at home, I do give you milk! Funny poppet. When you woke up after your nap the weather was still horrid. I wanted to blog so you watched films with Daddy and played. A lovely rainy day :-)
My favourite moment of today: Walking with you around the bed store. You want to walk everywhere at the moment, holding our hands. It was very quiet in the shop and it was lovely exploring with you. You have such a cheeky smile. I am always so proud to be with you. A shop assistant came over to talk to you and you shyly buried your head in my knee. I love to see you interacting with people, to watch how you change. The shyness is a new thing and it makes sense to me, in evolutionary terms.
What you are up to at the moment: Climbing, climbing, climbing! The stairs are still a hit. Up the slide. You've just learned to scale the steps of your little slide this week, that was a proud moment for you. You fell off the slide once, from the top. It must have been a shock but you just picked yourself up and got straight back on the steps because you were so keen to practise your new skill :-)
Tricky moment this week: Yesterday was a challenge, especially the morning. I had a fuzzy head from the sticky heat, lack of sleep, and general emotional ups and downs in the morning. It was probably one of the most challenging moments I've spent with you. You were clingy & fussy - leaping, the heat, lack of sleep - and I couldn't think straight to get our things together to go out. We were so late leaving the house. At one point I kicked the dog out of frustration, felt so sorry for him afterwards. And I needed space for a moment so I shut myself in the utility room. You screamed for me in the kitchen and I felt like a failure. The amazing thing about parenting is that then we went on our bikes to soft play with M&E, had a great time, & I felt like I was doing ok again. It's so up and down - the low points are low, but they don't last long.
Best moment this week: Yesterday we gave you a climbing frame - your birthday present. You loved it. So much happiness. Fun fun evening watching you explore it. One of those lovely long warm summer evenings. When it was time for bed, you were trying to crawl back downstairs for more playing, even though you were so tired!
What I am looking forward to: The main event - your birthday, baby boy! 11 days and counting :-)
My Inspiration: God has been speaking about finding my voice. Posted about being diagnosed with BPD and the importance of attachment on FB on Tuesday (my 29th birthday!). While I have yet to decide if this was sensible, it feels good, and empowering. Less to fear. And I'm passionate. I can be half-arsed passionate, trying to squash it so I can fit in, or I can embrace it. And in doing so, empower you. I don't want you to question whether it's right to speak out. So this is where I'm at right now:
I love you little boy.
Your mama x
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